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Episode 35: LGBT News Segment

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Oct. 11th, 2012 | 05:05 pm

LGBT News Transcript for Episode 35

Host: wook77


Wook: Welcome Slashcast Episode 35 LGBT news segment. I’m Wook77 with a few of the highlights and lowlights of the news.

Janet Napolitano the Secretary of Homeland Security and my former Governor – I miss you Janet, why’d you leave us with the dipshit we have now don’t you love us? – is overseeing the reclassification of the term “family” when it comes to deportations. And they’re doing it officially. Same-sex relationships will now be classified the same as heterosexual ones when it comes to deportations. Which, hooray! It’s been put into writing for field officers to use, so slowly but surely, the US joins the 20th Century and realises that gay isn’t evil and doesn’t give cooties. Now if we could just get into the 21st Century, I’d be even happier!


According to a Chicago alderman, Chick-fil-A has promised to cease donations to anti-gay organisations. I really miss the Polynesian sauce there so I hope it’s true, but I’ll believe it when I see it considering the chief bigot-in-charge has said that it’s not at all true. Guess the fun filled day of hate and bigotry for the whole family at the Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day might just be continuing to be an annual event. Or, well, more importantly I guess, I’m going to get to see more kisses as I drive past?


Chris Kluwe, the Minnesota Vikings football player that did such an amazing job smacking down a bigoted law-maker from Maryland has challenged another bigoted law-maker, this time from his home state of Minnesota, to a debate. Alas and woe, it’s not Michelle Bachmann but it is Representative Mary Francis.


And, okay, seriously people, I get that Rupert Everett comes across as a self-hating dude, but can we lay off with the death threats, please. He’s been getting death threats ever since he said that gay people can’t parent as well as heterosexual ones, which okay – bullshit, but not bullshit worthy of death threats.


Speaking of self-loathing, though, the Boy Scouts are finally being made to open up their list of paedophiles within the organisation. And in addition they’ve lost their primary funding partner due to their bigoted stance against LGBT so, thanks Intel, I’ll have to think about getting you in my next computer!


Speaking of things that piss me off, the word ‘faggot’ has been tweeted over 2.4 million times since July, that’s like just short fucking months, and it was tweeted that many goddam times. What the fuck, world? Then there’s the fact that ‘that’s so gay’ has been tweeted almost a million times. Sometimes I hate the world and this sort of bullshit is exactly why.


But one of the things that makes me feel better about the world is Washington DC’s education campaign about transgender people. The posters are lovely and if you see one in your commute please tweet it to us, I’d love to see it in action.


Ruth Bader Ginsburg has refused to discuss her position on marriage equality because, in her opinion, DOMA (The Defense of Marriage Act) is coming up in the court systems and should be heard around the end of the current term. I hope this bodes well, but the pessimist in me says six words: John, Roberts, Clarence, Thomas, Antonin, Scalia. So, yeah, good luck on that one!


California has officially banned the practice of gay conversion therapy for children, so woohoo! Now if you could just do away with Prop8, California, you’d be even cooler. And hey, by the way, Prop8 might just possibly be getting heard into the court system by the time this news comes out so, um, hopefully we have good news that I’m going to be late reporting. Oh I hope so.


Speaking of cool, did you know that Arnold Schwarzenegger married two gay couples while he was Governor? Take that you dick-faced Republicans who wanted him to become President. Ha! The dude’s secretly pro-equality.


In a move, surprising no one, Rick Santorum – hey Google his name – endorsed Todd Akin, the idiot behind the ‘if it’s a real rape the woman’s vagina turns into a flesh-eating shark and devours the sperm so she can’t possibly get pregnant’ debacle. I know you’re shocked. I hope you aren’t driving, or jogging or anything when I said such a shocking thing like two bigots getting together.


And in closing I have a small rant, speaking of all this bigotry and ridiculousness. I have to say that there is one term that LGBT and their allies use that drive up a mother-fucking-wall. And that term is “gay marriage.” Can we just stop using that phrase please? It’s a phrase from the bigots to reinforce their bigotry. Just by din of its format it says that marriage between two men or two women is completely different than marriage between heterosexual couples. You’ve got gay marriage and marriage. And that couldn’t possibly be farther from the truth. Can please all just agree that that term is bullshit and it should just be marriage equality instead, because that’s what people are fighting for? They are not fighting for the right to get gay married; they’re fighting for the right to get married. They’re not fighting for the right to get gay visitation to their spouse’s death bed, they’re fighting to get visitation to their spouse’s deathbed. They’re not fighting for gay inheritance, or gay parenting, they’re fighting for inheritance and parenting. I fucking hate and loathe the phrase “gay marriage” so. God. Damn. Much. It’s a bullshit bigoted phrase that says one marriage is inherently different from another and that one set of love is different from another. When love is love. It’s not gay love and straight love, it’s fucking love. Auuuugh! Please. Just no more gay marriage anywhere, okay? Please? Please? For my own sanity, I’m just askin’.


And with that, that’s the news, and my rant. If you have any hot tips that you’d like to discuss, or you have a response to my rant we’d love to hear it. Drop us a comment on LJ or on our website, tweet us, or send us an ask on Tumblr. We’re pretty easy to get a hold of.





Transcript by: angelbabe_cj

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